We are trying out a new direction for this game that was released before the lead developer was born. With help from the internet, the individuals who lose well over half their games can now take to the official messageboard and take control of their destiny, not by “GITTING GUD”, but by complaining that the developer needs to fix their crappy game. The reality is that videogame players are both children and adults who act like children. Now some of you more cynical types would probably suggest that the transition of Warcraft III to the 2.0 platform happens to coincide with major mechanical and programming changes to the game, the kind to stonewall the rebellious types who would build the illegal servers in order to deny Robert A. This is because we no longer pretend videogames are fixed and tangible, instead claiming they are a “service”, and in combination with the sort of consumer-friendly laws that ensure Mickey Mouse will forever be the property of Disney, we can update and revise games into perpetuity for maximum profits.

So as part of the never-ending quest for corporations to retroactively engineer culture and art in the pursuit of their bottom line, Blizzard Entertainment has hired a team of graduate students who have never lived a day in their adult lives where real-time strategy games were important, and asked them to “fix” a game that never needed to be fixed. “Early Access” is the latest innovation made possible by the ubiquitous nature of the modern internet, where a company releases a shitty videogame, and when you call it shit, the company and its fans can claim it is in “Early Access” and that you need to give it more time. Released to wide acclaim in a year long before most of you idiots were born, Warcraft III is better than ever, and the launch of Patch 1.31 represents a revolution for Blizzard Entertainment and its parent company, Union Carbide. Who is this unknown hero? We’ll all find out soon enough!

Patch 1.31 warcraft 3